The other day I was sitting and having dinner in the restaurant where I work, surrounded by my friends, when I got that feeling. You know that feeling. The one where you're smiling and laughing one second, then you look up and realize...something's changed. Something intangible just shifted somewhere in your life, making everything different. A realization happens that somewhere in your life, you've hit a wall, and you've had to pick which way to turn. Life has a habit of doing that, changing without asking and sneaking up and slapping you in the face with it.

So you're flooded with this burst of clarity, for all past events leading up to this one moment. How it all sort of makes sense, how it was all bound to happen to lead you here, to this point in your life, in this part of the world. The somewhat comforting feeling that you're right where you should be, in the grande scheme of things. Yet also the unsettling feeling that no matter what choices you made before, you couldn't have changed it all.

It hit me harder this time than it usually does. Tears sprang into my eyes, but thankfully nobody noticed. Because along with the excitement of wondering what this change will bring, comes this sadness for what was left behind.

I want so much from this year. And I'm so afraid that I'll end up screwing it all up.

The other day the cat thought it would be really smart to get stuck in between the glass and screen part of the bedroom window. How she squeezed her bit fat furry butt in that tiny space astounds me. She looked through the window at me, her nose pressed flat, small puffs of condensation gathering by her mouth and with a look of extreme satisfaction at getting as far as she did in this seemingly impossible place. It made me giggle, as I hurredly tried to get her out before her sheer bulk forced the screen to pop off.

Have you ever sat next to someone and you just know you should be friends with them? Something tips you off; the way they are dressed, the sparkle in their eyes, the casual way they sit, the nervous smile you share as you take your seats. The whole class you sit together you're comforted by the very presence of this person who you don't know. You part ways after class, and you can't help thinking that you just missed out on something.

University is so different from College. I'm astounded by the sheer number of people swarming towards the buildings. Searching through the sea of faces for a smile, some recognition, someone to say a friendly word. Knowing that around you others are probably doing the same, but unable to communicate to them your equal discomfort at being carried away by the crowd.

I'm so very lost in this new environment, even though this will be the first time I attend school in my own town. I'm afraid to see people from my past, reminding me of who I was then, and taking away all that I've become. Home has a way of reminding you that no matter how you've changed since you've last been back, you're still at the mercy of the place that saw you making all your mistakes on your way to growing up.